Episode 97: Our Misconception
Motherhood has no set definition in this day and age because the modern family has evolved. It’s much more open-ended than the singular idea of having to carry your baby after conceiving through intercourse “naturally.” There are several different options and ways in which children can come into your life. Once we accept this fact and shift the focus towards being the best parent possible, it becomes much easier to build your family.
In this episode, you’ll hear Candace Wohl talk about this concept and her challenging path that led her to be a mom.
Candace and her husband launched a blog called, Our Misconception, which gives perspective from both the male and female on the daily struggles that stem from infertility. Their road was long, filled with six IUIs, several IVFs, two cancer diagnoses, unexplained infertility, an attempt to adopt, and a gestational carrier. Everything about this journey was complex and emotional, but at the end of it all, Candace found motherhood when she opened a door that she had previously kept closed.
Guest: Candace Wohl, Our Misconception Blog
Host: Dan Bulger
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Here are some highlights from this episode:
When to Switch to a Reproductive Endocrinologist
5:07 – 6:57
Candace Wohl: Misconception number one, I wish OBGYNs would advocate for fertility treatment referrals. I wasted a lot of time and a lot of tears with an OBGYN that wanted to also play around in the fertility sandbox. Sometimes I feel like they can just dish out Clomid like symptoms. What you should be doing is saying, ‘Hey, you know, I do work with babies and in stirrups and regular women’s health care, but let’s go ahead and send you to a reproductive endocrinologist who can best equip you with the information that you need.’ Instead, I went through six IUIs. We mostly paid out of pocket for those. And with each IUI came that rise of hope and fall of, ‘oh my gosh, when do we decide on that next step?’ But, it’s kind of like a drug. I need one more hit. I need one more try. I want to just try one more time. Maybe if I go gluten free this month, that IUI is going to work. Or maybe if I drink ketchup upside down…And in all six of them it did not work. So I said, enough is enough. I can’t do this anymore. We obviously need more help.
Build a Support System
7:06 – 7:53
Candace Wohl: Misconception number two, don’t just go into [IVF] all willy nilly. I think that we went into IVF with reckless abandon. We were head nodding yes. Okay. Sure. Let’s do that. Yeah, sure, no problem. I didn’t have a lot of support. And I wish I would have had support from a community. But I wasn’t talking about it. I was scared, I was ashamed. It was just my husband and I in this bubble, this isolated bubble that felt like it was inescapable. It also felt like there was nothing that we could do to control our situation.
13:34 – 15:09
Candace Wohl: Misconception number three is that adoption is easy, and that adoption is something that is available to all. Since Chris and I both had previous cancer diagnoses, there are agencies that will not allow couples who have had that diagnosis to adopt. And really, I thought IVF was invasive, but the questions that we were asked at this when we were pursuing adoption were so invasive and so personal, I was angry. I wasn’t angry when I was going through treatment. I was sad and I was hopeful. And then I was sad again. I was hopeful, but I was I was angry. Why is a couple that is so deserving that are good people, we will give this child a wonderful home. Why do I have to lock up my medications in a medicine cabinet? There’s no baby that’s going to scale this thing, climb up on a on a cabinet and access this, right? Why do you need to know about my previous relationships? Why do you need to know every aspect of my financial life? Why do you need to know these things?
Dan Bulger: The adoption process is rigorous, expensive and complex.
Dan has been in the healthcare industry for the last six years as a multimedia content producer. Better known as ‘Video Dan’ he as interviewed numerous doctors, patients and other experts in the world of fertility. He’s also the producer for this podcast, This is Infertility. On a personal note Dan’s parents started fostering kids when he was four years old, and he considers himself a proud older brother to over 100 foster children.
Candace Wohl, writer, public speaker, and over-sharer of all things infertility, is now a mother through surrogacy after over a decade long struggle. Candace and her husband Chris decided that in order to overcome adversity, they must stare it directly in the face with humor and positivity through their award-winning blog, “Our Misconception” which started 2012. The couple was also featured on MTV’s True Life, “I’m Desperate to Have a Baby,” a documentary on couples who struggle with infertility and MTV’s Check Ups and Check Ins. Candace is also a contributor for Huffington Post, POPSUGAR, Pregnantish, and many other online sites and magazines. Candace and her husband have been featured throughout national TV as well as on GQ, Women’s Health Magazine, Google Blog, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine and a variety other national outlets. Apart from her professional career as a content writer and digital marketing specialist, she is also a fierce advocate towards pushing for family building legislation and infertility awareness and is an active volunteer for RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. Apart from her advocacy work, in her spare time she leads a RESOLVE support group, helping couples who are struggling with infertility and miscarriage. Instagram @Ourmisconception or Twitter @rmisconception.
Music From This Episode:
Artist: Doctor Turtle
Track: Wherever I Lay My Hat That’s My Wife
Artist: Kai Engel
Track: Brand New World
Artist: Lee Rosevere
Track: Sad Marimba Planet
Track: What Have You Done
Track: Completely Lost
Track: I wanted to live
Artist: Rest You Sleeping Giant
Track: End of Winter
Artist: Steve Combs
Track: A Vital Piece of Music for All Your Soundtrack Needs