Written by the Progyny Editorial Team — January 2026.
Choosing a gestational surrogate is a deeply personal decision. You’re building a relationship with someone who will play a meaningful role in your family-building journey, and it’s natural to have questions about both the process and what that relationship may look like.
The questions below can help you understand whether your goals, values, and expectations sync with the surrogate. If you’re working with an agency, they may have a list of go-to questions to use, too.
Get to know the individual
- What are your interests and hobbies? How do you like to spend your time?
- How would you describe your personality? What values are most important to you?
- What motivated you to become a surrogate? What are you most excited about, and are there any concerns you have about the process?
- Do your family and friends support your decision to become a surrogate?
Learn about their experience and medical history
- Have you been a gestational surrogate before? If so, what was that experience like?
- If you’ve had previous pregnancies, how were they medically and emotionally? How were the deliveries?
- Are you willing and able to travel for surrogacy-related appointments or procedures, if needed?
- If an embryo transfer is unsuccessful, would you be open to additional transfer attempts?
- How many embryos are you comfortable transferring at one time, if allowed by the clinic?
- What are your thoughts on selective reduction or pregnancy termination if medical complications arise?
- Are you currently working with a surrogacy agency, legal counsel, or fertility clinic?
Talk about expectations for the relationship
- What kind of relationship are you hoping to have with me/us before, during, and after the surrogacy journey?
- How would you like your family to be involved, if at all? What type of involvement do you want from me/us?
- If you have children, how do you plan to talk with them about surrogacy?
- What would you like me/us to share with our child about you as they grow up?
- What expectations do you have of me/us throughout the process?
- What would you like to know about me/us as we get to know one another?
A final note
Open, honest conversations early on can help build trust, clarify expectations, and create a more supportive experience for everyone involved. There’s no single “right” way to approach surrogacy — what matters most is finding a match that feels comfortable, respectful, and aligned for both you and your surrogate.
If you have questions, Progyny is here for you. Please contact your Progyny Care Advocate for support.