Episode 201: Single Parent by Choice: Choosing Solo Motherhood and Overcoming Loss

For today’s guest, becoming a mother wasn’t just a dream—it was a promise she made to herself. In her mid-30s, Erica Ward knew she wanted to be a parent more than she wanted to be a wife. By 40, she made the decision to pursue single motherhood, despite the challenges ahead.  

Her path wasn’t easy, from choosing a sperm donor, failed IUIs to IVF, and devastating loss. While Erica grieved for her pregnancies and felt the financial toll, she never gave up. Tune in to hear how support from Progyny’s fertility benefits and donor eggs led to her happy ending of becoming a mom.

Guest: Erica Ward, Progyny Member at Sleep Number
Host: Dan Bulger, Progyny

For more information, visit Progyny’s Podcast page and Progyny’s Education page for more resources. Be sure to follow us on Instagram, @ThisisInfertilityPodcast and use the #ThisisInfertility. Have a question, comment, or want to share your story? Email us at thisisinfertility@progyny.com.

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Here are some highlights from this episode:

Solo Parenthood and Sperm Donor Selection
01:20 – 04:22

Erica Ward: I knew in my mid-30s, that I wanted to be a parent much more than I wanted to be a wife, and that didn’t mean that I didn’t seek out that partner to build a family with. It just didn’t work in my favor. When I got to be about 40, I kind of started to think, you know what? I’m just going to have to do this journey. And I was with somebody at the time, and I said to him, I’m going to be a mom. I’m going for it. Either you’re on board or you’re off. Like, it doesn’t matter to me, but this is, like, really important. This is one of my values. He was not on board.

A sperm donor can really get you in a rabbit hole like, there are literally 1000s. So, I think you really have to start with saying, like, what is the most important thing to me? I really wanted them to embody what my parents had in ethnicity. My dad is Irish, my mom is German. And then I wanted to have a good health background.

Dan Bulger: When you’re choosing a donor, you’re not choosing a person, you’re choosing a gene pool. So, it’s best to focus on the important genetic things, like is the donor a carrier for something that you might be a carrier for as well?

A Difficult Road to Motherhood
04:46 – 11:08

Erica Ward: Started off with IUIs. That was the easiest process. I had three IUIs that did not work out for me. I learned about IVF, realized that IVF was probably my best option. Talked with a doctor, who informed me that after the age of 42, 90% of female’s eggs are not considered good anymore. So, he advised me to move towards donor egg. And I wasn’t willing to do that off the bat. I was going to buy a few donor eggs, just to make sure that my journey could kind of be consistent.

Dan Bulger: So, Erica did her first retrieval cycle, and it went well. She had some embryos on ice, and in June, she had her first embryo transferred. This resulted in a positive blood pregnancy test, but unfortunately, about a month later, she got the bad news.

Erica Ward: My body had started the miscarriage process the day before the appointment. So, I elected to do natural miscarriage. That didn’t work. I spent three weeks miscarrying before I called them and was like, we need to do the surgery. So went in for the surgery on August 1st, I believe. And yeah, I mean, the rest is kind of history. I went on to miscarry –or be pregnant, three more times and had chemicals with those.

Meant to be Hers
13:38 – 14:58

Dan Bulger: Erica had a new approach, using donor eggs, and she had coverage from Progyny backing her up, so she was able to change clinics to one with a great track record, far closer to home, and she got pregnant – only this time, her pregnancy resulted in the birth of her perfect baby boy.

Erica Ward: I think there is, especially for me, there was grief. There was grief with a lot of things. There was grief with not having my own eggs. There was grief with losing the babies and the chemicals. There was grief. There’s this financial grief, right? So much grief can be in the journey, and there can be joy too. But it was not an easy go for me.

He is here because he’s meant to be mine. And I don’t want to say everything happens for a reason, or it was all meant to be. I don’t know if that’s the case. This timing of him coming into the world, for me and with me, for us to pursue our, you know, family at the same time is that is perfect. It’s perfect in every way, so.