Episode 180: Becoming a Single Parent by Choice: How Gloria Met Emmet

Gloria Soler: In your mind, you grow up, you have your plan, you’re going to be married probably by the age of 25, or 30. That really wasn’t in the cards for me. So, my career had to come first, to know that my next stage in life was going to be supported when I did have children, I would have the financial stability.

For me to truly make that choice to go forward single. Every man I dated; I knew wasn’t the right guy to have a child with. And I knew that wouldn’t have been the right thing to do for the child. So, I knew when I hit 35 that was my time to do this.

Dan Bulger: Quick recap of human reproduction 101 for a baby to be born, there are a few things that you need. You need an egg, you need some sperm, and you need a uterus. Gloria was all set on the egg and the uterus, so she just needed some sperm. Her plan was to work with a fertility clinic, find a sperm donor from an agency and then utilize intrauterine insemination or IUI where a sperm is placed directly into the uterus using a small catheter and the hope is that the sperm will reach the fallopian tubes where it will meet, and ovulated egg and pregnancy will occur. The first step is connecting with the doctor. And for that Gloria was actually covered. Her employer offers the Progyny fertility and family building benefit!

Gloria Soler: They test your blood type, if you’re compatible with your donor, all of that. The doctor was very, very upfront, saying, we must check your egg count, and all kinds of things. And we did the initial tests, I think we got them all done within the first month. And then she was very open about what type of donor I should look for. And it’s nothing to do with characteristics like physical. I have a negative blood type. So, it was recommended to find a donor that was too. That’s why I said this was kind of a cool process, because in a way, you’re kind of ensuring your child is probably going to be healthier or might not risk a factor that could be carried. There’s a weird sense of comfort through the whole thing. Like, they also had donor essays. So, you get a feel for this person, even though you don’t know them, you get to know them through that process. So, that was interesting. I liked what he did. I like that he was a social worker, because I was like, this kind of just shows his characteristics. His true mission is to help people and what better way this person could help someone than giving a gift of life.

Gloria Soler: She said that I would be a perfect candidate for an IUI. The first couple of months were very crucial in balancing how much medication was needed. So like, as cliche as that sounds a third time’s a charm. So, in June, we were successful. After two weeks, I actually went out and got a pregnancy test. And I saw the two lines. I didn’t want to get over excited, because you know, you can have false positives, especially with that amount of fertility medicine. So, when we went in, we saw the follicle and the embryo ticked, that was cool.

Dan Bulger: The decision to have a baby is a deeply personal one. As we said at the top, there is a vast spectrum of family building desires out there from those who don’t want to have kids to those who want to have several, and everything in between. But for Gloria, who knew that she wanted to have a baby, and knew that her best option was to do it on her own. The idea that her employer offered a benefit, like this one, was really impactful.

Gloria Soler: Thank you — because you don’t understand how much one benefit can really truly change your life. Like, I probably wouldn’t have had that option to be able to have a child or children if I want to go through it again, if that benefit wasn’t there. In this day and age, there’s so many options available. And that child is not any less loved. And if anything, possibly more loved in a weird way, because people are like, oh, you did this. And he’s got a story to tell. And that’s going to be part of his journey, too.