Episode 63: The Frustrations and Hopes of an Unfinished Fertility Journey

When experiencing something as challenging as infertility, it can be helpful to hear stories, advice, and guidance from those who have been through it. However, we usually hear from people who were successful in growing their families. But what about those who are still going through treatment, and are uncertain of where their fertility journey will lead them? How can you make it through without setting expectations of having a picture-perfect ending?

In today’s episode, we hear from Kelly Partner, who wanted to share her story while the ending was still unknown. Kelly and her husband have been trying to have a baby for over a year, which has been filled with rounds of IUI, a male infertility diagnosis for her husband, and multiple pregnancy losses. Kelly shares the emotions, frustrations, hopes, and fears that occur during the process of trying to conceive while not knowing what the future holds.  

We also hear from Dr. Genevieve Neal-Perry, a Reproductive Endocrinologist and infertility specialist at UW Medicine, who gives us an overview of miscarriages, chemical pregnancies, and breaks down the benefits of ICSI and PGT-A testing for IVF. She also discusses how long a couple should wait before trying to conceive again after having a miscarriage.   

Guest: Kelly Partner, Progyny member
Expert: Dr. Genevieve Neal-Perry, UW Medicine
Host: Brandi Guthrie, National Account Manager at Progyny  

For more information visit Progyny’s Podcast page and Progyny’s Education page for more resources on emotional support and awareness.  

Be sure to follow us on Instagram, @ThisisInfertilityPodcast and use the #ThisisInfertility.   

Have a question, comment, or want to share your story? Email us at thisisinfertility@progyny.com.  

Here are some highlights from this episode:  

False Hope and Losses

12:59 – 14:02 

Kelly Partner: I was determined that when we got pregnant again, that I wanted to be able to experience joy with that pregnancy and not be so consumed with worry and anxiety and I knew, I’m an anxious person by nature, that would be there and that would be present in any future pregnancies we had but I just wanted to put some work in to make sure that I could also still feel the joy and the happiness in that. 

A couple months later, we got our second positive pregnancy test and, and I was so pleasantly surprised that I was super Zen about it. I was happy I felt the joy and I did not feel a whole lot of anxiety. And I think part of that came from some sense of naive like, “this can’t happen again”. Like, we deserve to have this one work out because it was so hard the first time, like the universe owes us an easy you know, this is that now we’ve now we’ve made it. 

Brandi Guthrie: Unfortunately, this time the couple experienced what is called a chemical pregnancy. Which is sometimes thought of as a very early miscarriage. 

A Discovery and a Change of Insurance

22:33—24:02 

Kelly Partner: Carter looked into what kind of insurance he had, just out of curiosity, and we discovered it was excellent coverage through Progyny. It was kind of ironic as I’d been listening to this podcast for the past few months, yet we hadn’t looked into his insurance to see it he had it. When he pulled up the membership guide, I thought, “Oh my goodness,” this is the insurance company that runs the podcast! It was a funny coincidence.  

Brandi Guthrie: Kelly’s husband works at Microsoft, and Microsoft employees have coverage for fertility treatments through Progyny, and yes, Progyny is the company behind this podcast.  

But people can’t change onto a new insurance during the year willy nilly, they need to either wait for open enrollment, which is usually at the end of the year, and the new insurance kicks in on January 1, or they can change insurance midyear if there is what is called a “qualifying life event”.  

Qualifying life events include a marriage, having a baby, or losing health coverage.  

Well the couple was already married, obviously they weren’t going to be able to have a baby in order to switch insurance, and Kelly loved and valued her job.  

But that is when something happened. A true catastrophe that changed everything. 

An Open-Ended Journey

31:29–32:32 

Brandi Guthrie: Sometimes we record with our guests, and then the episode airs weeks later and we update you all on the progress that has happened since the recording, but this time we want to keep this story here, in this moment… actually that was Kelly’s idea.    

Kelly Partner: As an avid listener of this podcast and other podcasts or reading things, I personally find meaning in everybody’s stories, but as someone who is still struggling through this, sometimes it gets hard just hearing about happy endings. It was important to me to share this now while we’re still kind of on this rollercoaster and while our ending is still TBD, we want to give other people listening comfort that we are in the same boat right now. Yeah, my husband and I want to share our story and share it now.  

Brandi Guthrie: So, we’ll leave Kelly and Carter’s story right there, to be determined. But there is one certainty for the future of their journey. No matter how this new cycle works out the couple is going to have support from Carter’s employer for whatever comes next.